Posts Tagged ‘ Youngblood ’

WARNING! This post may be considered NSFW. At the very least it may make you throw up in your mouth a little.

After learning of Extreme Smash! yesterday, I started thinking about other Liefeld projects that never came to completion (not that I’m saying it won’t be completed, just looking at the track record) including Youngblood: Bloodsport – not to mention Youngblood: Genesis and Youngblood: Imperial.

But it’s Bloodsport that I found some scans of over on the apparently-defunct Facedown In The Gutters, and they were of a few panels from the start of the issue.

Let me set the scene briefly: it’s the near future. Youngblood and the rest of the Extremiverse are apparently pretty much bored by their fame and success. They have sex, do drugs, and generally act like spoiled brats but don’t do too much superheroing anymore on the basis they don’t really need to.

Even a hardass like Brigade‘s Battlestone has apparently given in to the pleasures of the flesh – as can be seen by the fact that he’s doing lines while in a jacuzzi which are being served up by a woman who appear as though she may have abnormally long arms.

For former Youngblooder Seahawk, though, all the decadence is getting to him.

Apparently Seahawk likes to wear his mask while he’s in the jacuzzi.

I don’t know why.

Yeah, so…wait, what was that again?

Oh…well…I mean, he wouldn’t actually…

Oh.

He would.

That’s Cyclops and Wolverine. ‘Dressed’ as Jean Grey and Mariko. Giving blowjobs to Seahawk and Battlestone. Under water in a jaccuzzi.

It may not surprise you to learn that the writer for this piece of art was Mark Millar.

There’s something you don’t read too often.

And it only gets better from there on in, folks…

A supermodel turned superhero.

Or possibly the other way round.

Youngblood‘s Vogue under Rob Liefeld’s penmanship was a pneumatic, under-developed sex bomb albino-type with purple hair, big guns and throwing knives that would make the mullet-king, Longshot himself, jealous.

So naturally she got her own miniseries.

Who does she think she is, Domino?

Anyway, in the reimagined* big screen Youngblood, with the team as older superheroes forced out of retirement, you need a lady who carries the weight of being attractive, sensual, over 50 – and still capable of kicking your ass while fending off the creepy advances of David Caruso.

Enter Ellen Barkin!

*Only reimagined by me, sadly.

He was…like, a Troll, or something.

And he had, like Wolverine-hair and goggles and could bounce and stuff.

Sort of like Beast-meets Wolverine-meets Puck.

Only with goggles. Did I already mention the goggles?

Even my arcane knowledge of questionable comics is unable to fully recall much about Troll, except that he inexplicably got his own one-shot not just once, not twice but three times.

Now, I was going to go with Peter Dinklage as Troll, since he was one of the only actors I could think of* that could fit the bill physically, what with Kenny Baker being too old and David Rappaport no longer with us, plus he’s a vaguely recognizable name.

And then I thought: hang on; if there’s one thing that we’ve learned from the X-Men movies, it’s that having a short comic character doesn’t mean you can’t cast a 6-foot something guy in the role as long as he can act. And if there’s one thing I learned from Lord of the Rings movies, it’s that you can make people little with special effects (the other thing I learned was that you can never have too many endings, apparently).

And so I give you…

Oliver Platt as Troll!

*I don’t of think Verne Troy as an actor anymore, he’s some kind of minor D-list celeb these days.

Who’s the black private dick

That’s a sex machine to all the chicks?

CHAPEL!

Ya damn right!

Who is the man that would risk his neck

For his brother man?

CHAPEL!

Can you dig it?

Who’s the cat that won’t cop out

When there’s danger all about?

CHAPEL!

Right On!

They say this cat Chapel is a bad mother-

SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

I’m talkin’ ’bout Chapel.

THEN WE CAN DIG IT!

Oh, Ratner, Ratner, Ratner. If you want to make a movie out of Youngblood - and really, who doesn’t? – then you need to make sure you cast it right. Sure, David Caruso as Shaft is a start, but what about Chapel?

This stone cold psycho soldier killing machine is one bad mofo (hey, he killed Al Simmons and went on to rule hell, so he must be bad!) so you need someone to play him like that.

You need someone with presence, a history in action films, and…well…actually, can you get more ‘Action’ than Mr Action Jackson himself?

Carl Weathers!

I know, I know, you’re thinking Weathers is too old, but think about it – have Youngblood as a bunch of past their prime, down on their luck superheroes more used to publicity than superheroics who are called back into action for one last suicide mission and I actually think it could work (all joking aside).

And as for Weathers being too old, there’s still plenty of meat on that bone. Now you take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato. Baby, you’ve got a stew going.

Think about it:

Shaft, grizzled team leader of the governmental superteam, Youngblood.

A man who bucks authority.

A man who commands respect.

A man with experience.

I give you…the perfect Shaft!

No, seriously. I think this casting is in perfect line with a Brett Ratner Youngblood movie.

I shit you not.

Via Rob Liefeld’s Twitter.

Presumed inspiration:

Scans Daily (where I crib a lot of page scans from) featured the cover below and Occasional Superheroine had some fun with it on Friday:

The thing is…and I hate to admit this…I kind of like it in the same way that I kind of like most of Rob Liefeld’s art.

It’s almost without any redeeming qualities at all…almost. It’s not anatomically correct and just look at Diehard and Badrock – terrible, terrible character designs.

And yet…it’s fun. Like a lot of Liefeld’s stuff, it’s fun. He may not be the greatest storyteller out there but he does have a certain sense of design in his interior pages that I find appealing. It’s like he’s having fun in spite of everything else. And I like it.

Oh, and I caved and picked up the first issue of the relaunched Youngblood by Joe Casey and Derec Donovan – not groundbreaking but a good read and a lot packed into it. Fun stuff, not deep – but fun.

There’s that word again.

I hate to admit it but this whole Youngblood back to Image thing has me intrigued. Rob Liefeld and Joe Casey both sound enthusiastic about the move and it seems like there’s a lot of ideas there….